OFF METH ON LIFE

By Temple Willoughby

How It Ended
POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS in blue tape crisscrossed the door to Nik’s room.

“I can’t leave today,” Matthew said. Something kept him home that day; he couldn’t go to work. Frank, his new boyfriend got up and left. Frank's roommate Nik was still in his own room with the door propped open.

Incredibly Nik's 16-year-old dog, Shug leapt onto the bed and started barking incessantly. Matthew knew something was wrong.

“Got any shit? Got any shit?” Niklas Palm’s agitated words echoed in his ears.

Nik was a total mess. He was a slammer.

A slammer is a meth - needle user.

Matthew told me he personally, was only into doing lines. He snorted meth, because he believed it was the least addictive way to use. Smoking it was worse. When I asked him about needles he shook his head no. “Once you’ve slammed, you’re damned is what my friend Kevin used to say," he said.

Nik was from Sweden. The police use blue tape to close off private areas of foreign victims, to wait for the family of the deceased to collect their personal effects.

Nik had been feeling depressed and sad - he didn’t find his meth to slam that day, instead he downed 30 Percocet and called it quits. It was September 20, 2008.

He left his dog behind, and apparently his ghost still haunts that apartment. When Matthew and I were talking about it, I myself, felt Nik in the room with us - and the hair on my arms stood up on end.

Matthew and Frank had met only a short time before, but they knew instantly that they were soul mates. Matthew only knew Nik for a week, and now he was gone.

Nik’s death was a turning point in Matthew’s life. “I found Nik’s body. I knew I had to quit,” he said.

An Unlikely Intern
He looked nervous.

Matthew Mullins walked out of his office towards me. “I just sent off my first internship package” he said.

A chance at a 10-week paid internship at the Oakland Tribune.

The opportunity in itself, is a miracle.

The newest Editor-in-Chief of the Los Angeles Collegian and Magazine didn’t graduate from high school.

Matthew had been homeless, and was too busy using drugs to care.

He was snorting meth, upwards of 1/16 of a gram a day - everyday. And swindling to keep it going. I asked him to show me how much that was, he drew me a diagram and he told me - it’s a lot.

“The longest I ever went without sleep was seven days. Normally, I would use for five days straight, then spend two days eating and sleeping. I say sleeping but it was restless tossing, filled with nightmares and post traumatic stress, from using,” he said.

How did it all start? I asked him to go back to the beginning.

1999
When he was 14 years old his parents separated and divorced. Matthew lived with his older brother John and his kid brother David - with their mother Mary.

Things were okay until in his last year of high school, when his mom got gravely ill. A six-month battle with pneumonia, turned into a staph infection that took the life of Mary Mullins.

It was over that quick. The six-month timetable had made it’s mark.

Depression set in. While hanging out with friends in San Diego a friend gave Matthew his first introduction to meth - as a way to feel better.

"At first it worked," he said.

Hooked
He used for six-months straight.

He wasn’t eating much. Matthew was vegan, iron deficient - and gaunt.

Ventura
In 2000, John Mullins, his father came for a visit. He took one look at his son and he immediately packed up his things and took him home with him to Ventura.

There he was able to maintain a low profile. He got a job working at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and at a music store, and he was able to somewhat recover.

In 2001 he got his first HIV test. He felt that he indeed had a guardian angel, as the results were negative.

He lived in Ventura until 2004.

Bad Joke
Matthew told me that he has a real weakness for artists. He met Travis, who brought Matthew, along with a household full of inherited things from his mother, down to Korea town in Los Angeles.

Travis and Matthew had mutual friends and were instantly connected. They began painting together. Travis knew Matthew had problems with meth in the past, so he had to be careful to hide that he himself, was using.

Jokingly, one day he offered Matthew meth.

“I did it,” he said.

A month later, Matthew was homeless.

This continued for six more years.

His five foot ten frame withered to a slight 142 pounds.

“For the first two years, I was functioning. Travis and I were selling art and I was struggling to stay alive. Living from place to place,” he said.

Then, one day out of the blue, Travis said that he had found someone new and was moving in with them. That ended the relationship for good.

A Good Six Months
In Summer of 2007, Matthew caught a break, when he applied for a job at Apple. “My mom was known there, she had been an Apple technician, and because of her I got the job,” he said. He was cutting back his drug usage and from mid-November 2007 until the end of December he wasn’t using at all.

At this time he was also going to AA meetings. He was staying in Echo Park with his friends Tom and Eric.

The nightmares stopped.

But then, it all became overwhelming. “I was lonely,” he said.

Downward Spiral
Matthew was using again and was ashamed. He felt so bad, he left his home in Echo Park.

“I let Apple slide off the table,” he said.

Matthew went on to tell me how he hit rock bottom ...he told me how this guy Memo picked him up, off the streets. “Memo opened the door of living off of others, as a thief and doing horrible things to get what I needed,” he said.

Still homeless, he slept outside.

That was, until he met Kevin a recovering addict, who was initially a good influence, and let him stay at his place. But then one day, when Matthew missed an AA meeting, Kevin abruptly asked him to leave.

Matthew told me he later spoke to Kevin and found out what really happened was that Kevin was jonesing. And, that’s the real reason why he made him leave, so he himself, could use.

On the streets again, Matthew made friends with his dealer Sean.

Sean let him crash in his hotel room.

Matthew experienced drug induced paranoia that was compounded by the mere location of his bodily existence. These were scary, dingy, druggie hotels. “I was always worried that the police were going to break down the door at any moment,” he said.

One time, they left their room for no longer than an hour and a half and when they returned, the other inhabitants of the hotel were all clamoring around to tell them how they had “just missed” being busted in a police sting in their room.

Was this perhaps another save, by a guardian angel?

Here he was, free of disease ...and now, luckily not, in the penal system.

And at this point, he was growing very tired of the meth lifestyle.

So, he once again crammed everything he owned into his giant backpack and moved out of Sean’s hotel for what would be, the last time.

A New Life
Frank and Matthew moved to Macarthur Park ...clean.

And they remain sober.

“There is no desire for meth, it’s out of my system,” he said.

Matthew reflected back about his mom and mentioned how he feels her. “Your relationship doesn’t end with death it just changes,” he said.

After completing his G.E.D., Matthew enrolled in Los Angeles City College during the Fall of 2010, paying for one class and doing poorly. But he began improving and he was able to raise his grades and was soon qualified to receive financial aid towards his studies.

Last year he was a photographer for the Los Angeles Collegian. The following semester he was the photo editor. And now he’s ending the semester as Editor-in-Chief!

I asked him about his new position with the paper ...“These have been very trying and hard times for the Collegian. Many places where we thought we had strengths, ended up failing. It was up to me to pick up the pieces and bring it back to where it was,” he said.

If anyone can do it, I believe Matthew Mullins can.

I’ve seen his posts on Facebook about deadlines and long hours on the paper. I have witnessed his dedication and hard work as the Editor-in-Chief.

He and Frank are still together. He is clean, sober and HIV negative. And I think, somewhere his mother Mary is overhead, smiling.

I’m inspired by how far he’s come and his honesty with sharing his story.

Truthfully, isn’t it time for us to uplift each other with acceptance and truth?

Obviously, drugs are not the answer. Matthew worked hard to find another way. He went to school. He also told me he learned to breathe and meditate and do yoga to get to the truth within.

We can all learn from that.

Be yourself. Find love. Find yourself. Be love.

And, by all means, share your story.